This is Part 1 of an ongoing review of, and insight into, my personal Toastmasters International / Pathways journey. You will be able to see all Toastmasters review posts here as I update lessons and speeches along the way.
Public speaking may easily be one of the most intimidating tasks a person can be asked to fulfill. While hundreds of confident, larger-than-life, big-personality influencers can get on stage on a daily basis and make it look like an effortless task, the rest of us may still need baby steps before making that huge leap to center stage.
Somehow, even the most timid people of all still often find themselves in a role asked to address an audience to some degree. An internal employee may be “voluntold” that she will be presenting the project status update to the Board of Directors at the next meeting. A student will inevitably need to give an oral report or defend a dissertation. And even a small business owner or boss-woman who can usually delegate tasks will be forced to broadcast her own voice on occasion.
So how can we get past the nerves and deep-seeded fear of public speaking?
Practice. Practice. Practice. (And some serious “fake it ‘til you make it” attitude!)
Just like any fear in life, we need to force ourselves to take the reigns and get past it, and typically this means referring back to the classic Nike slogan and “Just Do It!”
Luckily, there are public speaking tips everywhere, and not all of them result in the cherry-red cheeks of a speaker blushing at the image of the audience in their underwear (as the old tradition included.)
Somehow, I’ve always enjoyed public speaking – but it’s the anxiety and anticipation in the moments before that always hit me the hardest. I thought, “That must be because I’m not formally speaking in front of a group very often. Maybe that would make a difference.”
When I discovered a Toastmasters group (more formally, Toastmasters International) met every Thursday during lunch right in my office building, I signed up. Yes, I feel confident that I know all of the “rules” of public speaking on-paper. And I have been writing essays and speeches for years, so I feel equally confident in my organization of content. But there is something to be said about continued practice when it comes to public speaking and being able to connect with various audiences for various topics (for instance, presenting a technical speech to those outside of your niche industry and still being comprehensible.)
Have you heard about Toastmasters? I would love to hear about your experience with this group or a similar one in the comments below!
Update: Pulled this from my backlog of hoarded articles that never made it online. Follow along to read about the decision making progress and updates from our first 10 months of homeownership.
Like many modern couples, and much to the chagrin of my traditional family – especially my grandparents- my now-husband and I moved in together after just over a year of dating and well-before we were engaged.
While there are many potential downfalls and some see it as a backwards timeline, it worked well for us because we already knew it was a life-long commitment we shared, and moving in was more than saving some rent money (though I’d be lying if we didn’t recognize how much of a game-changer that was, especially in metro-Atlanta!)
Now that we’ve made it down the altar, returned from our Hawaiian Honeymoon, and settled back into the swing of things, it’s natural that we start wanting to look into home buying. After all, we’ve lived together for over two years in an apartment – a great one, with all the perks – but an apartment no less.
Our loving and considerate friends have stockpiled wedding registry gifts that we have had to invest in a storage unit to short-term stash, and we have no dining room to speak of that allows us to put our new hosting swag to good use.
It’s time for a real second bedroom for guests, a place for meals other than a couch and coffee table, and a spacious (or any size, really) yard to finally become puppy parents!
There’s just one catch- we’re first time home buying millennials (don’t tell him I called him that!) And I’m sure you know what they say about that right now – it’s at peak difficulty to find the right house at the right price, especially without a prior house sale to roll into equity at the current price points.
Despite good jobs and waiting a little longer in life for timing to be right, it’s an ugly market out there. That, compiled with the metro-Atlanta area we live in and the strong desire not to have a daily commute over an hour each way, is creating a dire outlook on the whole process.
We have used tools like Redfin, Trulia and Zillow (yes, I juggle between all three) over the past two years to get a sense of the market, and what we can get for our money. In just those two years, we’ve watched 3-bedroom, 1-bath ranch houses, untouched since the 1970’s, increase in price from $350,000 to newly-flipped, same-size houses for $550,000 solely due to location.
That’s the market we’re dealing with. And even the suburban sprawl has caused the surrounding areas to hike in price in a very short period.
Many financial analysts suggest we are at the top of the market, but also recognize there won’t be a total bubble burst like in the past. But does that mean the market will at least correct a little in 2019 or 2020? It’s been a seller’s market for so long!
At the same time, metro areas are only so large, with enough space only for so many single family houses. And those going up are far from modest – the payout on new builds is much greater for a “McMansion” than for a starter home.
So now what? Do we mentally prepare for hour-long commutes, risk investing in a hopefully on-the-rise part of town, or financially prepare for the hefty chunk of change leaving our wallets… for the next 30 years.
I’d love to hear from others in the same boat in the comments below. What part of the country are you in, and what are your considerations for buying?
Anxious minds are the worst when it comes to bedtime. Sure, we all have those nights before the big exam, the big presentation, or the big day that keep the butterflies in our stomachs later into the night than we hope, knowing a good night’s sleep is more important that usual. But for some of us, those nights are far more frequent, and far less event-driven than we would like. It’s as if our body is a petulant child, knowing that the more it should do something, the less it wants to.
You struggle to relax and do your best to sleep, but the next thing you know, you turn to check the time and it’s 2:00AM – and now your stress level only jumps higher as you realize how many less hours you have to sleep before your 6:00AM alarm clock buzzes rudely at you to get moving.
Staying up thinking through the list of things you should have, could have, needed to get done that day and stressing about the things to come in the morning that you can’t risk letting fall through the cracks again – it’s not fun, and certainly not a healthy way to live.
Naturally, to avoid this scenario, I have tried countless methods trying to get to sleep more effectively, combing through all of the tricks in the book. Chapter one: count fluffy little white sheep as they leap over a rustic picket fence in a peaceful green field.
It’s never worked.
Counting Sheep Doesn’t Work
The “counting sheep to fall asleep” tactic developed from the concept that giving the brain a monotonous, repetitive activity helps to calm and relax it. It sounds sensible enough.
Except don't try to tell my overactive mind that. My own thoughts hijack the sheep-count almost immediately. Anybody else with me on that one?
Then stick with me here, because I have finally found a word game that has been working wonders for me the last few weeks – far better than I ever expected.
I can’t find the article I first read about this in, so props to whoever brought it to my attention (happy to credit you once you’ve been found!) The short-hand, non-scientific and probably not as accurate explanation as I would like to share was basically that the primitive fight-or-flight mode of the brain does not effectively shut off with the trivial task of imagining sheep, for the exact reason many of us have experienced firsthand. Bigger issues are still capable of hijacking your thoughts and keeping you in stress-mode.
Instead, using word association can work your brain to just the right degree… and so far, it’s worked wonders for me!
Play this Mental Word Game Instead
Rather than letting your brain linger in an alert and analytic mode, try “cognitive shuffling.”
Developed by cognitive scientist Luc Beaudoin, cognitive shuffling, also known as serial diverse imagining, was presented in this 2013 research paper.
Don’t worry, it’s easier and much less scientific than it sounds, for those of us who don’t care as much about why it works, but are just happy enough if it works!
Cognitive shuffling is simply a method to scramble your thoughts, which enables you to divert your brain and focus on frivolous things (therefore not focusing on the high-stress, high-anxiety list that is preventing your sleep!)
When the mind can make organized jumps between random objects, it is more likely to turn off the “fight or flight” mode and recognize there is nothing more meaningful going on that it would otherwise try to stay awake and alert to analyze.
How to Use Cognitive Shuffling
When you are cozied up and ready for bed, settle in and try out the cognitive shuffle technique for yourself.
1.Choose a seed word.
Select a random word with at least five letters as a base word (called a “seed word” in cognitive shuffle lingo.) Aim to have a word with a variety of unique letters so that you don’t have several repeats. For instance, “bedtime” is a better seed word than “banana” because it has seven unique letters, and “banana” leaves you with only three unique letters: B, A and N.
“Bedtime” is the sample word used by Beaudoin, and the first word I attempted to use (spoiler alert – it worked!) Let's stick with this one for the example since it's so fitting.
2.Consider the first letter of your seed word.
Using the first letter, begin to list and visualize other words that begin with that letter. For example, if you are using “bedtime” as the seed word, start with the letter B and slowly, but consistently, think of and picture completely disassociated words that also begin with B.
The key is to use disassociated words– so avoid “bed, bedding, bedspread” as your words for the letter B. Equally so, try not to run through a single category for a letter, such as linking several foods in a row with “brownies, berries, bananas.” This is part of the shuffled, scrambled magic!
Otherwise, there are not a ton of rules. You can use people, places, things or even verbs and adjectives. Just don’t stress about rushing through words, don’t struggle too hard to get to the next word, and don’t use words that have any sensitive meaning or are emotionally charged.
Here's an example starting with the “B” in Bedtime:
Bowling: Imagine making a strike at your nearby bowling lane.
Brownie: Imagine fresh baked chocolatey goodness (notice I still managed to make brownie fit in… just avoided listing the fruits afterward – just like in life 😊.)
Brooklyn: Imagine a New York pizza spot or the infamous bridge.
Bright: Imagine being outside on a sunny, cloudless day.
3. Move to the next letter in your seed word and repeat.
When you are bored of the first letter in your seed word or finding yourself stuck or repetitive, simply move on to the next letter and continue. In the “bedtime” example, we would move on to the letter E.
Continued Example: “E” Egg. Elephant. Europe. Earlobe.
Tip: Some letters are harder than others, especially vowels. If you find yourself in this situation, try to pick a second letter as well, and focus on the pair of letters together. For instance, instead of just the E, try “Em” if you get stuck. It might trigger easier recall about an Employee, Empire, and Emu to keep you on track.
4. Continue through all letters in your seed word.
If you get to the end, simply pick a new word and keep going. I have yet to make it all the way through a seed word successfully, speaking volumes about how well this has been working for me! Move at a slow but consistent speed, and truly try to picture each item so your brain stays focused on this functional but less analytical task.
5. Make it relaxing and fun. Don’t worry too much about the “rules,” like how the words shouldn’t be in the same category – just try not to make it a habit. I have found that some incredibly random words come to mind, including actors I wasn’t aware I even knew the names of!
The other fun piece about this system is that the method is an organized process to get you into cognitive shuffle mode, but you don’t necessarily even need to stick with a single letter at a time. If your creative mind lets you jump from dishwasher to airplane to Bob Dylan without a hitch, let it flow!
Resources
Always give credit where credit is due! While trying to dig up the original article where I first discovered this technique, I stumbled onto Beaudoin’s research article (linked in the text above.) That led me to finding the smartphone app that has been developed utilizing this system, called mySleepButton.
I haven’t used it so this is not an endorsement and I’m not affiliated in any way, but it looks like an option for those who would prefer not to conjure up their own random words. Instead, you may find it more relaxing to listen to the app and visualize the random words given as you doze off.
Final Thoughts
My brain is always racing at night, and this has truly been working for me well. The first few times, I was asleep by the second or third letter of my word. After using the technique consistently for a couple of weeks, I felt my vocabulary losing diversity (all of my “B” words were the same each night, etc.) But then, I let my mind jump into full free-for-all without linking the letters together and it worked just as well.
It’s free and simple, so at the very least, give it a try for a few nights. I hope some of you will comment below and share whether it worked for you! Have you tried out the app or did you go traditional and tech-less? Tell me below!
Many people write about Lifestyle Design as an effect of the FIRE Movement and as the opposite of a business career. I believe you can be a Corporate Climber and still benefit from the values of Lifestyle Design.
“Lifestyle design” can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. In the most modern sense – the one that includes digital nomads and location independence – it’s a movement that encourages people to decide what they want most in life and how to shape habits, routines and priorities to ultimately reach that goal – and reach it now.
The basic premise is to override what our generation has grown to understand as the norm: go to college, get a job, work hard for 40+ years, save for retirement, and then ultimately be able to spend your days in Palm Beach, appreciative of all the hard work you did to get you there.
But this next generation is realizing that tomorrow isn’t promised, and if you don’t have your happiness and health, you might not make it to see retirement days. As technology changes and corporate loyalty wanes, millennials are becoming disenchanted with the would-be benefits of corporate climbing – the retirement age continues to increase, Social Security continues to decrease, and Pension Plans are nearly extinct in most industries.
So now thought leaders like Tim Ferriss in his book “4-Hour Workweek” are sparking excitement for self-starters and encouraging us to really think about what it is we want in life, and how we can get it today (or at least take that first baby step today!)
Lifestyle design, then, is finding work that fits in with your goals and personal dreams, rather than trying to squeeze in your dreams outside of office hours.
For instance, if somebody asked me what my dream job is, I’d crack a huge smile before saying, “Pay me to travel and lounge on a sunny beach all day.” And Lifestyle Design as we are coming to know it today now would have you think, “OK, so how can we make that happen?”
Now, I may not be jumping into a “no work, all play, here’s your paycheck” scenario like that anytime soon, but it’s the next part that’s important.
You see, the historic school of thought is, “Work hard, and you will have the money to travel once you retire, and maybe buy that beach house you’ve always wanted.”
The new school of thought is, “If that’s what makes you happy, how can you incorporate it into your life now, and why defer it any longer?”
“If that’s what makes you happy, how can you incorporate it into your life now, and why defer it any longer?”
If your deepest desire is to spend more time at the beach, is there a way to work from the beach more often now? Could you speak to your boss about relocation options, or working from home on Fridays (and then take your laptop to a beachside bistro?) Could you afford to take a financial pay cut to gain even more happiness accepting a beachside job in the hospitality industry?
If your deepest desire is to spend all the time you can with your family – parents, spouse, children, whoever – then the question is how do you make that happen?
If you are working hard all day at an office to provide the best life for your children, but then you come home exhausted, irritable and with no flexibility to ever take time off to spend with them, is that worth it?
Lifestyle Design around these goals might make you reevalute how much money you “need” and what tradeoffs you are no longer willing to make for that incremental amount. Or it might incorporate building a family-owned and operated business, where you all work twice as hard but get the time and connectivity of togetherness that is most important to you.
A decade ago, there was a lot of talk about finding your Passion and your Purpose. While those conversations are still in effect today, the current Lifestyle Design movement modernizes those concepts and creates a holistic impression around your top priorities so you can find balance today and not always think “I hope one day I can…”
Many people write about Lifestyle Design as an effect of the FIRE Movement and as the opposite of a business career. I believe you can be a Corporate Climber and still benefit from the values of Lifestyle Design.
“Lifestyle design” can mean a lot of things to a lot of people. In the most modern sense – the one that includes digital nomads and location independence – it’s a movement that encourages people to decide what they want most in life and how to shape habits, routines and priorities to ultimately reach that goal – and reach it now.
The basic premise is to override what our generation has grown to understand as the norm: go to college, get a job, work hard for 40+ years, save for retirement, and then ultimately be able to spend your days in Palm Beach, appreciative of all the hard work you did to get you there.
But this next generation is realizing that tomorrow isn’t promised, and if you don’t have your happiness and health, you might not make it to see retirement days. As technology changes and corporate loyalty wanes, millennials are becoming disenchanted with the would-be benefits of corporate climbing – the retirement age continues to increase, Social Security continues to decrease, and Pension Plans are nearly extinct in most industries.
So now thought leaders like Tim Ferriss in his book “4-Hour Workweek” are sparking excitement for self-starters and encouraging us to really think about what it is we want in life, and how we can get it today (or at least take that first baby step today!)
Lifestyle design, then, is finding work that fits in with your goals and personal dreams, rather than trying to squeeze in your dreams outside of office hours.
[click_to_tweet tweet=”Lifestyle design is finding work that fits in with your goals and personal dreams, rather than trying to squeeze in your dreams outside of office hours.” quote=”Lifestyle design, then, is finding work that fits in with your goals and personal dreams, rather than trying to squeeze in your dreams outside of office hours.”]
For instance, if somebody asked me what my dream job is, I’d crack a huge smile before saying, “Pay me to travel and lounge on a sunny beach all day.” And Lifestyle Design as we are coming to know it today now would have you think, “OK, so how can we make that happen?”
Now, I may not be jumping into a “no work, all play, here’s your paycheck” scenario like that anytime soon, but it’s the next part that’s important.
You see, the historic school of thought is, “Work hard, and you will have the money to travel once you retire, and maybe buy that beach house you’ve always wanted.”
The new school of thought is, “If that’s what makes you happy, how can you incorporate it into your life now, and why defer it any longer?”
“If that’s what makes you happy, how can you incorporate it into your life now, and why defer it any longer?”
If your deepest desire is to spend more time at the beach, is there a way to work from the beach more often now? Could you speak to your boss about relocation options, or working from home on Fridays (and then take your laptop to a beachside bistro?) Could you afford to take a financial pay cut to gain even more happiness accepting a beachside job in the hospitality industry?
If your deepest desire is to spend all the time you can with your family – parents, spouse, children, whoever – then the question is how do you make that happen?
If you are working hard all day at an office to provide the best life for your children, but then you come home exhausted, irritable and with no flexibility to ever take time off to spend with them, is that worth it?
Lifestyle Design around these goals might make you reevalute how much money you “need” and what tradeoffs you are no longer willing to make for that incremental amount. Or it might incorporate building a family-owned and operated business, where you all work twice as hard but get the time and connectivity of togetherness that is most important to you.
A decade ago, there was a lot of talk about finding your Passion and your Purpose. While those conversations are still in effect today, the current Lifestyle Design movement modernizes those concepts and creates a holistic impression around your top priorities so you can find balance today and not always think “I hope one day I can…”
Morning people are amazing. I envy them, in fact. If given the choice, I imagine I’d opt to be an early bird over a night owl, given that you accomplish so much before the average person has even poured the creamer into their first cup of coffee. There’s something to be said about starting the day off highly productive and hosting a sense of achievement before the day can run away from you.
Unfortunately, that’s just not my M.O. Never has been. When it came time for those inevitable college cram sessions and term papers, I always knew it was best if I stayed up until I was finished, and to never believe a roommate who suggested I sleep first, and wake up early to finish instead.
I thought maybe things would change as I got older. To some degree, they have, and to another degree they still could. But for the most part, it’s still the quiet, still nights that put my creative energy into overdrive and drift me over to the computer rather than over into bed.
Finally, instead of tossing and turning in bed, thinking about all of the things I want to do, should have done, or would love to do “one day”, it was time to put thoughts into actions.
My half dozen notebooks with scribbles of incomplete thoughts have been strewn about my home, and amongst my purses and suitcases for weeks on end. Instead of fooling myself into believing I’d sit on the patio, writing with my coffee in hand while the sun rises on Sunday morning, I’m being honest with myself and cutting the excuses.
So here we are on Saturday night, awake at 2:00am. But not because of a crazy night out-on-the-town. It’s because the “two hours” I committed to research a side hustle quickly evolved to seven hours. And I love it!
Not every side hustle will take hours on end, and not every side hustle is a one-time project. But what they have in common is the fact that you’ve got to have passion or purpose if you want to have any successful side hustle. Your purpose might be the extra cash, and that’s reason enough. Or you might be like me, and have a purpose to add on to your never-ending list of development projects, despite your only opportunities being weeknights after 8:00pm or your all-too-brief weekends. If you want it enough, you may need to change something in your routine to get it. If you’re not ready to, then that’s okay. But just like I had to admit to myself, you can’t think it into existence!
What is the reason you side-hustle? How can you schedule small pieces into your day, maybe changing up your current routine, to make it happen? What excuses have been standing in your way?
My corporate role puts me in the skies a few times a month as I travel to industry conferences and visit clients and prospects along the east coast. It’s travel I love, since it’s the relationship-building and personal interaction part of business I enjoy most. Most of the time, though, it’s a quick-turn event, with little to no opportunity to extend the visit with any personal time and explore the city.
Related Posts
How to pack for a business day trip (coming soon)
Making the most of 1-2 day work travel (coming soon)
Reviews of best laptop bag / purse combo for business travel (coming soon)
Most corporate jobs are either similar with mid-to-high demand travel, or they land on the other side of the spectrum, with zero travel and instead hours on end hunched over a computer.
Regardless, I have always believed there are incremental benefits to international travel that offset any other travel-related exhaustion (or any exhaustion, really!)
With the development of cell phones, corporate life quickly became blurred between office and home, and has now bled into Personal Time Off (PTO) as well. I can’t tell you how often either myself or another colleague has worked during otherwise had been set aside for personal time. And that’s okay sometimes, because it’s part of the role and it’s part of exceptional customer service. But when “sometimes” tiptoes into “often” or “always,” there comes a need for the ultimate disconnect.
Enter: The International Travel Itinerary.
Related Posts:
The African Safari Itinerary (coming soon)
The Hawaiian Honeymoon Itinerary (coming soon)
International travel enhances the benefits of PTO, and helps to mitigate some of the traditionally inherent issues that corporate hustlers face. Ultimately, it all boils to a few benefits I think are invaluable to mention.
It might not be realistic every time, but if you were on the fence planning your next holiday, perhaps one of these will bump you up to an international flight!
1. International travel typically requires at least 4 more PTO days than domestic travel.Why is that a benefit, you ask? Because it forces you to think about a true leave from the office and put a backup plan into motion, and it gives you a few bonus days to decompress. I can't wait to share an extended article I am writing about the benefits of a full 2 week vacation on the mind and soul in correlation with how an African Safari and a Hawaiian Honeymoon made broader impacts to my mental health than the small trips I typically aim to take.
2. International travel forces you to disconnect. Though we’ve made large strides in technology, there are still dead spots for service or locations just not conducive to even the best portable devices. Plus, there seems to be an underlying understanding amongst colleagues and managers that when you are overseas, there will be no further contact. Something about knowing you are just in another state, and even better if it’s still the same time zone, keeps the door open for the inevitable, “I’m so sorry to bother you on PTO but…” phone call.
3. International travel shows you another way of life. When I went to visit a friend working in Spain, it floored me to find it impossible to find a restaurant open for lunch. At the time, I was unfamiliar with siesta culture, or at least unaware of just how prevalent it truly was. Spaniards appreciate their midday breaks, and all dining experience is just that… an experience. No hustle and bustle, and certainly no expediency to serve your food. Admittedly, as a hungry American at the time, it was a less appealing moment, but with greater wisdom and appreciation for global travel now, it resets the standard around slowing down, enjoying the experience, and not always needing to be in a hardcore hustle mode.
There will always be reasons and times international travel is just not realistic. And I recognize that for many people, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime goal, and not a decision to make at every holiday. But for the corporate woman who finds herself actively opting for another holiday at the beach because she “can still work from the porch” or “get back to the office if something urgent pops up,” it’s important to highlight that you deserve it, and if it’s on your radar and you’ve been on the fence, go ahead and book the overseas flight. When you get back, we can talk about whether the world fell apart while you were gone or whether things worked out just fine!
I create resources for female entrepreneurs and career-driven women striving to break out of their comfort zones and through the glass ceiling.
